You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you inspire me to be a worse person
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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