Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
