a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
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I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
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Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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