Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
