And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
