Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Randomize
