i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
