dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
