I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
