I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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