It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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