stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
