therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
