It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
