Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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