The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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