check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
