just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
