if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
