In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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