I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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