I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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