i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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