Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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