Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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