roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
NoShamevember. You game?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
