So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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