So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
