if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
