I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Actions speak louder than pants.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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