Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
