i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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