I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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