guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
