...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
