Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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