May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
