Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
