theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You may now shotgun with the bride
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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