Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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