You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
