yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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