it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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