So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize