He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
