what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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