You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
