Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
