I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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