This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
