Define "chronic" masturbator.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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