I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Randomize
