You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
