wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
