We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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