as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
