I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
