Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
