a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
