Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
