Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
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They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
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Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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