So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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