How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
